


i don't get jealous, i get stupid

by Gabby



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy's a little jealous, But it's totally not what anyone thinks!, F/M, Happy Ending, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Misunderstandings, There's angst or whatever, but a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-19 16:17:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2394851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabby/pseuds/Gabby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>And now it's really, very unfair that he had to move on to someone so perfect for him whilst she stood still with her naked beating heart on her sleeve and in utter shambles.<i></i></i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Or Amy gets way ahead of herself when someone from Jake's recent history comes 'round.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i don't get jealous, i get stupid

**Author's Note:**

> Just got this idea! For whatever reason, a version of this kind of story has been percolating around inside my brain for weeks. Hope you enjoy!!

Bernice. Sweet, fun, _Die Hard_ -loving Bernice.

The first time the bane of Amy Santiago's existence visits Jake at the station, she has to do a double take.

She is... _very_ pretty.

If you're into that kinda thing.

She watches the stranger greet an obviously happy Peralta when he stands at attention for her. Almost falling out of her chair in spying on the two.

 _Her name's Bernice._ She vaguely recalls Charles telling her once during one of the blonde's many visits after the first. _Jake really likes her. Big fan of Die Hard and the Knicks._

Right. Well. Of course Jake would find someone _exactly_ like him.

Hopefully, not _exactly_. That girl probably has a better hold on her finances than Jake does.

But, then again, that's what she had had with Teddy, right?

(Had because that's what happens when you break up. That's what happens you allow things to peter out when things become too comfortable and you don't even realize that the other person's feelings have grown deeper than yours because you're too busy letting the relationship stay the way it is instead of moving forward until the nice guy you've been dating for well over seven months sits you down and tells you that he loves you and that if you don't feel the same way, that he's sorry but, he can't stick around in something that's clearly not progressing where it could go in a better situation and that he's upset because you could have been something good together.)

So, clearly, she's meant to be alone.

She doesn't even realize that Jake's confession to her - his words on that cool, spring night - that had upended everything before his undercover op could have possibly had anything to do with it 'til she's forced to deal with this undeniable little gem of fact: That Jake Peralta has moved on.

That Jake Peralta may not have feelings for her anymore.

She has to watch them for weeks. Watch this fun, new woman ingratiate herself into Peralta's life. Make him laugh. Touch his _fucking_ arm in _that_ way. Have private jokes with him.

And she really, really  _hates_ it.

How _nice_. How _messed up_  is it that she has to kind of realize that she may return Jake's feeling (if they're even _still_ there) when he's now doing what she, herself, has probably done to him with Teddy?

It's a testament to how unfair life could be that she's going through this.

She should be happy that he found someone like she had.

That's what a good partner would do. That's what a good friend  _should_ do.

But, that's not the case here because that's not enough anymore.

She has no excuse now. She doesn't have anymore reasons to be stupid or ignorant about her own emotions when there's no need to. She doesn't have a cover. She doesn't have Teddy as a safety net to hang onto just because he'd been the safer choice. Nor can she hide behind the deep down fear that things couldn't possibly work out in the end or that she couldn't ever make someone like Jake Peralta happy.

There, she's admitted it.

One of the top reasons she couldn't analyze or do anything about Jake's confession had been because there'd been that fear that someone as uptight and rigid as her could be worth while to her daring, rule-breaking partner.

And it gets even worse as she hears how much he's doing for the sake of his new... _romance_.

 _She's a good influence on him_ , she hears in murmurs amongst the 99 crew.

She's helping him be better with money. Helping him with his finances.

She's... being _good_ for him.

And Amy has to hear about this from others because this just in: Jake isn't telling her much anymore.

His usual chattiness with her has all but, dissipated.

And it sucks so bad. It hurts a lot more than it should.

She can deal, you know. She can deal with all this. She can deal with her stupid emotions and warm, fuzzy feelings for her _disgustingly_ attractive partner if he'd only give her the time of day. If he'd only... act like he gives a shit!

 _You're being irrational._ Her mind would supply helpfully. _Remember Teddy? All you did was ramble on about how great he was. You think Jake appreciated that? Hearing you prattle_ _on and on about your perfect, nice boyfriend? Hmm?_

That's probably it. This is pretty much karma for being so clueless about Jake's feelings. For being so _goddamn_ oblivious about what she had been doing to him before all this.

She feels pathetic. Like a dog wanting a bone but, only willing to wait on scraps whenever she can.

And it's spiraling down to that kind of feeling to brings her here. To Jake's apartment building.

Standing in front of under the window of what she knows to be Gina's former and now _his_ current residence, she mulls over what's she doing.

This is basically the most unfair, stupid thing she could ever do.

But, then again, life hasn't been exactly _fair_ as of late.

It'd been unfair when Jake had stood in front of her all those months, sincere and vulnerable and earnest, telling her that he wished for romantic-stylez.

It'd been unfair when he hadn't given her a chance to respond before leaving her in that car park and that she couldn't think too hard nor even conceive of reciprocating said feelings as she'd defiantly held onto Teddy. Not even thinking - not even _grasping_ \- that she was being callous to all parties involved.

It'd been especially unfair when Jake Peralta had walked back into her life and upended it once again.

Unfair that he'd let himself be soo brave as he had stripped bare in front of her and that she couldn't do the same to him.

And now it's really, very unfair that he had to move on to someone so _perfect_ for him whilst she stood still with her naked beating heart on her sleeve and in utter shambles.

(Unlike with her relationship with Teddy, she's certain things with Jake and Bernice could possibly last. Unfortunately for her. Bernice is sweet. Bernice is fun. Bernice loves Die Hard. Bernice likes sports and the Knicks. Jake would never get bored with beautiful, exciting Bernice.)

She takes a deep breath as she sends him a text to meet her outside, hoping he wouldn't ask questions and just come down.

 _He's probably with her right now._ Her brain taunts. _You're probably disrupting a nice evening he's having with his girlfrie-_

The images her mind conjures up is enough to make her queasy and she wonders how she's gonna get through this.

She wonders if this is what Jake had to experience before he'd confessed how he had felt about her.

Despite that, she holds firm while gathering her inner courage because she... _can't_.

She just can't.

It's been a month of all this and she's had enough.

"Amy?"

He's giving her a funny look as he comes out of his building to find her standing there, with her hands in her pockets in the night chill. His signature leather jacket on over casual plaid and denim. His feet covered by thick boots. His hair thick and freshly cut. A spackling of stubble running up and down his jaw.

Damn. Why does he have to look like that? Now, of all times?

"Hey." She breathes, her voice sounding high and unlike her. "Sorry if I interrupted-"

"Hey, no, it's fine." He interrupts politely. "We were just watching _Die Hard_. I've seen it tons of times already. It's cool."

 _We_. She intones internally. _Meaning he does have her up there._

"Well..." She starts carefully, purposefully ignoring that unpleasant feeling in her gut once more. Her throat suddenly drier than it had been before. "I, uh..."

She doesn't know if color can actually drain from somebody's face but, it must because Jake's face - that _disgustingly_ handsome face - grows more concerned and he's stepping closer before she can stop him. "Amy." He reaches out to her, his hand dangerously grazing her elbow. "Are you okay? You seem a little-"

She yanks her arm away before he can actually make real contact with her even though his touch is exactly what she needs right now.

She doesn't necessarily want it but, needs it. Needs it badly.

God, it's embarrassing how much she needs it. Needs him.

(When did that happen? Since he'd gotten back? Before that? The op, maybe? Long before that, perhaps?)

Nevertheless, she tries to ignore the brief expression of confusion and hurt in his gaze before turning away, her own eyes shutting tightly as she tries to keep steady. "I'm fine." She says unconvincingly, trying and failing to chase her own oxygen, rocking on her heels and bending her knees as she hunches forward, planting her sweaty, clammy palms on her jeans. Her head pounding heavily. Her heart beating way too fast. "I'm just-  _oh_." She gasps sharply as her lungs struggle with the brunt of her efforts.

_What is this? Is this a-_

_Oh. Oh no._

She hasn't had one of these in a long while.

She's not new to anxiety taking over and taking her out of her element. It happened a lot to her as a kid. When she'd been in the Academy. When she'd joined the 99. When she'd met and labeled Holt her rabbi.

But, she hadn't had an episode that wasn't professionally-related in a _long_ time.

And they'd mostly been internal more than anything else.

 _Never_ like this. And _never_ this visceral. Not over a man, especially.

Regardless of how great ( _more_ than great) the man is.

It feels like her heart's about to give out.

What a humiliating way to go.

"Jesus, Amy..." He's back again, this time touching her shoulder full-on and even through her layers, she could still feel him, warm and strong, his hand firm on her as he puts the other on her arm to turn her towards him. Unknowingly making things worse and stabilizing her with that one move.

It's crazy, she knows. It's nuts how much his nearness is making her feel better. Causing that dumb, _motherloving_ flutter in her chest that she's become all too familiar with.

(She's not in love, okay? That's insane. And _way_ too much _way_ too soon. But, god, does she feel close to it. Just on the border of it...)

And the words spill out of her before she could think to stop the avalanche of stupid spilling out. "Iwannaberomanticstylezwithyou."

She says it all in one rushed breath, clenching her fists at her sides as he straightens right away, still holding onto her. "Wha- What?"

He sounds equal parts surprised and more confused.

He rubs her back lightly before she's able to straighten and finally take an even deep breath as he steps away, peering at her carefully when she catches his eye after steadying her. "I-"

"Did you say what I think you just said?"

She takes in his face. The guarded expression there.

She heaves a big sigh. "I... wanna be romantic-stylez with you." She utters softly, looking down at the ground before reluctantly meeting his eye.

He just stares at her in disbelief. The angles of his face thrown into sharp relief thanks to the streetlights. Her stomach in knots as she waits for him to say something.

The disbelief is what hurts her. Really, he must have noticed _something_ about her affections before now.

Then again, maybe not. _She_ hadn't.

"Jake?"

"Is this a dream?" He asks suddenly, giving her a peculiar look.

"What?" She supplies, thrown.

"I mean, I..." He begins, scratching his head, eyes roving all over the place before landing on her, big and befuddled. "...I probably deserve this, considering. But, it would really suck if I find out that this is all some weird dream and Bernice has to pinch me awake as I'm-"

"Okay." She interrupts with sudden impatience, her dignity already sliding down the scale at a rapid pace at the mere mention of  _that_ name. "Can we not... bring up Bernice right now, please?"

His expression grows even more baffled then before, brows drawn together, head shaking lightly. "What?"

She sighs again because she's thinking about the reverse of this situation not too long ago and that, although, Jake had been expressing his wish for something more between them, he had at least the good grace to tell her that he'd been aware of her own relationship at the time and that he's sorry for maybe being a jerk by saying what he'd said.

She refuses to be a such a god sport about his, though.

Which is bad. It's mean and it's catty but, she feels awful enough as it is.

She can label Jake immature all she wants but, she's being just as, if not more, bad than he'd ever been.

At least, he had stopped making jokes about her dating life when she'd been with Teddy (another sign she had chosen to ignore, _dumb dumb_ ) yet she can't even handle him saying his own girlfriend's name when she's at her most vulnerable.

Whatever. She doesn't want him mentioning Bernice.

Her pride could only take so much.

"I know that she's your... girlfriend." She says, impatience and stress and just, _hysterics_ dripping off of every word. "I know that she's beautiful and funny and smart-"

"-Amy-"

"-And that she gets all your jokes and makes you laugh in a way that I can't-"

"-Amy-"

"-And she's fun and sweet and  _not_ boring and loves _Die Hard_ and the damn Knicks and you're probably in love with her already-"

"Amy!" She's not realized how much closer he's become until he's yelling her name like that and she snaps her mouth shut, meeting his eyes with her own wide ones, breath hitching at his proximity. "What are you talking about?" He asks, his own impatience coming out, looking more baffled then before.

She takes a deep breath and inhales the scent of crisp, autumn leaves, gun oil, and a light musk.

She hadn't noticed how good he smelled until now.

 Nothing shocks her anymore.

To her horror, she stutters through her next words. "Y-You're dating Bernice-"

"No, I'm not."

And it's like there's not enough oxygen in the space between them anymore.

_What? But, everything over the past month-? All the signs-? What she saw-?_

But, then she has to say. "Yes, you are." She whispers in shock, her heart hammering against her ribs as she stares up at him.

"Amy." He says, as serious and sincere as he had been that night months ago, looking into her eyes willfully. "I promise you, I'm not."

"But..." She tries again, to her dismay. "She's upstairs-"

"Yeah." He supplies with honesty like _she's_ the one who should know better. "We're hanging out. Like friends do."

 _Friends?_ "Does she know that?" She hears herself ask, wishing she had the power to shut up right now.

He tilts his head a bit, looking down at her with an expression that's a cross between amusement and _interest_. "We went on one date when we ran into each other a couple of weeks back." He says with aplomb. "I liked her so, I thought I'd try and when she tried to kiss me at the end of the night, I told her I have feelings for someone else."

She nods, feeling dizzy and delighted and really, _very_ glad. "I've seen you with her. She made you laugh. She... she hung out with you at Shaw's."

He gives his own nod. "Also as friends. We kept hanging out after the date and honestly, I knew she thought it was gonna turn into something more but, it didn't." He says evenly, holding her gaze. "Nothing ever happened. I never lead her on. We stayed friends. She knew my situation and understood."

"Your situation?" She questions.

This time, his face forms into a look that _does_ say she should know better.

 _Oh_.

It occurs to her then that this just got a lot scarier. That she had thought that there'd be the remaining safety net of his thing with Bernice. That she would come here and say her peace and mend her heartbreak without further incident.

Evidently, she's not as smart as she thought she was.

Instead now she's staring close to her partner as he derails everything she had thought she'd known throughout the last month and basically implied that he still has feelings for her.

"So." He says after a minute. "You said something about romantic-stylez?" He asks, taking her own hands in his, his dark gaze alight with unabashed affection.

She gazes back, watery eyes big and round in her face, heart _pitter-patting_ like a humming bird in her chest. "Jake..."

"She's been helping me." They both need no elaboration on who _she_ is. "With my life. Helping me be... better. With my stuff." He admits. "My money. Helping me be a lot more stable in things. I mean..." He changes gears abruptly. "...I'm still me, you know. I'm still stupid..." He confesses with a light laugh.

"You're not stupid." She hears herself say softly, shaking her head.

"...I'm still like a twelve-year-old." He continues as though she hadn't said anything but, she laughs anyway. A distorted, wet one but, a laugh nonetheless. "But, I'm trying, you know. I really am." He peers at her closely as though searching for something on her face.

She nods again because she figures he is. "I know."

"You do, don't you?" The affection doubles in his eyes as he leans in close, breath hot on her face. "You do know me. So, you should know that I'm most certainly not dating anybody because I'm not over you. Not when I came back a month ago. Not now. Not ever."

She doesn't know who kisses who first but, suddenly she's up on her toes, her hands clutching at his jacket while he grips her hips to pull her closer as their mouths fuse together for the first time.

Life, as she believes she's mentioned, is unfair so he's an amazing kisser. Slow at first. Kissing the corners of her mouth before diving in. His tongue swiping at her bottom lip to join hers inside. Letting out rough sounds from deep within as they deepen the kiss. Clutching one another as close as they can and just, _woah._

And he tastes addicting and dark and mildly bracing. Like spearmint and black coffee.

She's feeling dizzy again. For an altogether different reason.

Then.

"Hey, Jake- Oh. Sorry! I just- Wow! I didn't mean to interrupt."

She could say that they're soo startled that they spring apart but, as it is, they don't really because although they quickly break the kiss, Jake tightens his grip on her waist and she loosely hangs onto his jacket.

No breaking apart here.

They both turn to find none other than Bernice, wide eyes darting between them and covering her mouth in embarrassment.

She has her blonde hair up in a loose bun on her head, pink framed glasses hanging low on her nose, and is wearing a Nakatomi Plaza sweatshirt over frayed jeans tucked into thick Ugg boots.

And Amy wants to kill herself because she's thinking about her baggy pajama pants and slouchy Columbia hoodie back home and that there's no way in blue hell she'd _ever_ look that cute to pull that get-up off.

She's prepared to look back at Jake with his attention on the blonde as well but, instead finds his gaze on her, glittering and dark, brow raised in bemusement as though he'd just caught her perusing of her imagined rival.

_Relax. It's all in the clear. He's not taken. She's his friend only. Calm down._

She flushes and looks away from his face. Focusing on his buttons in lieu of his eyes.

It's only then that she feels him look over at Bernice. "I'll be right in, B. I just need a minute to..." She looks up at him to see him tilt his head at her, meeting her stare joyfully for a brief minute. "...You know."

She looks over at the blonde again, the other woman looking very much like she understands. Blue eyes gleaming knowingly. "Oh! Right. Sorry, I got it. Take your time." She meets eyes with Amy, to her own surprise. "It was nice seeing you, Amy." She says with a direct confidence and friendliness that causes Amy to question her own sanity as to how someone this nice and sweet could have ever been any kind of a threat to her and Jake.

She obviously knows about her history with Jake. His feelings for her.

And she feels encouraged that she shows no jealousy in her direction.

The woman turns only spin around again. "Oh! You could totally join us upstairs if you like." She thumbs up the stairs behind her. "We've got caramel corn. Jake says it's your favorite so..."

She tosses a look at the man close to her, who has the decency to redden instantly, bashfully looking away from her.

She looks at Bernice, welcoming and waiting on her answer. "I'll think about it."

The blonde nods cheerfully. "Okay. Sorry again." She turns, starting to leave with a wave. "My manners. Sorry, bye!"

And then she's gone.

She looks at Jake as he pulls her into his arms again, encircling her own around his neck. "That was... interesting." She says, meaning it completely. Head still reeling from everything that's gone on.

He smiles at her, rocking them both in the embrace. "You're only saying that because Bernice is, in fact, _not_ stealing your man."

She feels a burst of happiness in her chest. _Hers. He's hers._

She gives him another kiss. "Thank you."

He looks at her fondly, the quirk at the side of his month irresistible. "For what?"

"For being you." She responses fondly. Honestly. "And for being patient... with me."

There's an intensity in his eyes then that forms before he's leaning down and giving her what could only be described as a searing kiss. Hauling up to him as he takes her mouth with a lustful enthusiasm that hadn't been there before. Hands wandering over her boldly. Gripping her waist. Sliding down her back. Grabbing her ass to mold her into his frame. Making her moan as he grows hard against her. A promising heat flaring between them.

He harshly ends the kiss. Leaving them both breathing heavily in their shared air.

"I would ask..." He starts, his voice husky in a way that she could feel between her legs. "...if we could go to your place but, it's kinda far and I have zero patience right now-"

"You're not kicking Bernice out."

"It wouldn't be kicking her out really, she gets-"

"No."

He sighs, stopping her from moving away from by grabbing her hips and keeping her still there. "Hold on." He looks down between them and she follows his gaze, flushing over what she finds. "Is it cool if we take a walk first?" He asks plaintively, sounding a bit strained and already she's rethinking things. Trying to calculate exactly how long it would take for them to get to her apartment.

She shakes her head. _Focus_.

"We could do that." She says nicely, trying to calm down herself. "Then we come back and hang out with your friend."

He takes a deep breath and gives her a pleading look. "Are you sure I can't just-"

"No. She's here to see you. She's here to hang out with you. And she _invited_ me. So..."

"Okay. Now you sound like my mother and- oh." He looks down again. " _That_ worked."

"Oh my god." She laughs, tugging at his hand to move him along towards his apartment building. "Come on, idiot."

Amy could admit that she'd certainly not expected for her night to end with Jake Peralta as her pillow whilst they watch _Die Hard_ with the woman she had thought a few hours earlier was her rival for his affections giving them a thumps up from the other side of the couch.

Stressful night? Yes. Happy end?

Most definitely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
